It now seems so easy to describe. Before my God Shot (the Lipov Block), not so much.
Allow me to describe flashbacks and nightmares as I lived them.
For 50 years (since early childhood) videos of the worst events in my life constantly circled my head – in high def and at max volume – which were so consuming that I could not see past them and could barely hear over them. Yet they were invisible to everyone else.
Sometimes certain horrors would stay front and center for longer than the few moments they would normally be visible to my brain as they circulated. When that happened a terrible uptick in my symptoms of anxiety and fear would seize my mind and freeze my body.
Hearing God’s tiny voice in my heart was the only thing that consistently eased my suffering. Sometimes – when new traumas were occurring in my life – counselling would keep me away from the edge. Psych meds never did anything but harm, to me.
When I read about the Lipov Block in this article, it took less than 10 minutes for me to find and deliver an email to Dr. Lipov’s research assistant Greg Alberth. That was 12 June 2017. On 14 July 2017 I got my God Shot, and my entire existence shifted in shockingly wonderful ways.
If you’ve had PTSD for a long time, you know exactly what your problem is. Because of the constant videos I did not have access to much of my intellect, or my emotional drive, or my decision-making skills. My brain was consumed with these involuntary memory recollections, recalled with such intensity.
I knew if that would go away I would be a bullet shot out of a gun. I would be able to think and feel and be in today.
And that is exactly what happened. I immediately dreamt big dreams for myself. I immediately went back to university and am killing it. I immediately began a plan-of-action for myself professionally and personally. I immediately leaned in.
When I commissioned these illustrations to help folks visualize what PTSD was like for me and others, I had to include an attentive black dog. His name is Julius. I mention this because just after my Lipov Block my companion canine who had been with me nine years came down with incurable, untreatable cancer. I hospiced him till his death this past February.
Before the block, not only would I never have been able to attend university, I would never have had the emotional stability to care for a dying loved one day in and day out for several months.
This is not to say I wasn’t stressed or distressed, I was. But I could handle it. I don’t have nightmares or flashbacks or loud memories in my ear any longer.
Although Julius is gone from my side physically, I sense his spirit with me at all times.
This is how life should be; sensitive, focused, passionate and capable.
Please help other veterans/service members receive this treatment by donating to Dr. Lipov’s Foundation: http://globalptsifoundation.org/donate